Conversation Between Rex Ryan And Tony Dungy

After Tony Dungy decided to voice his opinion about Rex Ryan and his profanity-filled appearance on the first episode of Hard Knocks, I thought it was the perfect time for an imaginary conversation between the two guys. Here we go:

Tony Dungy: Hey Rex, I was very disappointed by the “motivational tactics” that you displayed on Hard Knocks the other night.

Rex Ryan: Tony, I don’t give a (expletive). I coach the way I want to (expletive) coach, and you can’t (expletive) change that.

TD: I’m not trying to change that. I just want you to realize that there is another way to do things.

RR: Okay, Tony, but that is not my (expletive) way. My way includes some colorful (expletive) language.

TD: There you go again. Why do you need to use that kind of language in a basic conversation?

RR: (Mocking Dungy) Why do need to use that kind of language… blah, blah, blah. (Expletive) you! Why are you all up in (expletive) my business anyway!?

TD: Rex, calm down. When I see someone struggling with their life, I like to help them out.

RR: Struggling!? How the (expletive) am I struggling? My team is the most feared team in the (expletive) NFL!

TD: I’m not talking about football, Rex. I’m talking about life right now.

RR: Football is (expletive) life!

TD: I see that this is not going to go anywhere if we continue like this.

RR: (Expletive) right! Let’s order some (expletive) food! What do you like, Tony? Chinese, Thai, Mexican…

TD: No thanks, Rex, I’m not hungry.

RR: Not hungry!? What the (expletive) is wrong with you? I’m ordering (expletive) food anyway.

TD: Go for it.

RR: I don’t need your (expletive) approval, (expletive).

(Rex dials for Chinese food. He’s on speaker phone.)

RR: Hi, I’d like to (expletive) order everything on your menu twice.

Phone Guy: Oh, Rex, how the (expletive) are you?

RR: (Expletive) great. Can you hurry up with that food? I don’t have time for (expletive) chit chat.

PG: Of course. Anything for my favorite (expletive) customer.

(Rex hangs up)

TD: You see, Rex?

RR: What the (expletive) are you talking about?

TD: You even have the Chinese guy cursing up a storm because of the language you choose to use.

RR: That’s (expletive) it! Get the (expletive) out of my office! I was going to (expletive) share some kung pao chicken with you, but now there’s no (expletive) chance!

TD: I’m sorry to…

RR: Did I (expletive) stutter? Get the (expletive) out!!!!

Darrelle Revis Should Learn From Leon Washington

Darrelle Revis’ holdout this summer comes as no surprise to former New York Jets running back Leon Washington, who is currently with Pete Carrol and the Seattle Seahawks. Just one year ago, Washington and the Jets had a similar problem with contract negotiations, and it eventually led to his departure from Gang Green. Because Washington had experience with this, he felt that he should warn his former buddy Revis, so that the same issues wouldn’t happen with him.

Prior to last season, Washington was not able to work out the deal he had hoped to with the Jets. And as fate would have it, Washington got injured in week 6 against the Oakland Raiders. That is exactly why Washington wanted to restructure his contract before the season started. Had Washington and the Jets come to an agreement prior to the season, the injury would not have hurt him financially because he would have already been under contract. But since that wasn’t so, the injury devalued Washington, and he was stuck trying to find a new contract with a new team. This, essentially, is what Revis is trying to prevent by holding out this summer.

As everybody knows, especially Rex Ryan, Darrelle Revis had a superb run last season, and he was arguably the best defensive player in the entire NFL. Unfortunately for Revis, that hasn’t increased his bank account just yet.

What if Revis’ playing ability goes down a notch or two this season? What if Revis gets injured? Should he not get paid now for the amazing production he had last season as the league’s top defender?

To me, this shows a terrible job by the Jets’ front office. You have a guy in Revis who put up a spectacular season last year, and you are not willing to pay him what he is worth? If I didn’t know better, it sounds as if the Jets are waiting for Revis to decline or get injured so that they won’t have to pay him so much for his services. Of course, from a business sense, that’s an approach. But if players around the league see that you’re treating your players like this, and you are trying to get the most out of your guys without giving them what they’re worth, then nobody is going to want to play for the New York Jets.

From a very young age, most football players learn that if you play well, it will pay off in the end. However, when you see the way that the people in the Jets’ front office deals with their players, you see that they don’t subscribe to that way of thinking. Rather, the people in the Jets’ front office believes in stealing money from their players who deserve to be paid like true professionals. That, right there, is the reason why the Jets will not the Super Bowl this season, and it is the reason why they will continue to fall short as a franchise for many years. Sure the team is oozing with talent, but talent alone cannot win you championships. It starts from the bottom up, and if your base is not strong, everything else will collapse around it.

If I were Darrelle Revis, I would learn from Leon Washington and get the heck out of New York before it’s too late. Right now is his time to cash in, and he better do it before the window of opportunity closes.

The Mets Lower Their Home Run Wall, Where Are The Remnants?

In an attempt to help their struggling team, the New York Mets have lowered the home run wall from 16 feet to 8 feet at Citi Field. There are two things that have me concerned about this move.

First of all, lowering the wall not only helps YOUR offense, but it also helps other teams’ offenses. If you think your team is going to hit more home runs because of the wall lowering, you need to be prepared to give up more home runs as well. When Johan’s ERA starts to balloon this season, you will only have yourselves to blame.

Secondly, what happened to the rest of the wall? Where did it go? Because I could not get a straight answer from the Mets’ construction crew, I decided to investigate the situation some more.

After searching day and night, I happened to come across Rex Ryan, the head coach of the New York Jets. Ryan was looking very odd, and he seemed to be a little wider than usual. That’s when it all clicked for me. REX RYAN ATE THE WALL!

So I asked him if he was indeed the wall-eater, and he said, “Of course. Look at me. Where else could it have gone!”

Now I understand that he likes to eat a lot of unhealthy foods, so does everybody else. But at least if you’re going to eat unhealthy, keep it to food! Wall is definitely not an option!

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