After Tony Dungy decided to voice his opinion about Rex Ryan and his profanity-filled appearance on the first episode of Hard Knocks, I thought it was the perfect time for an imaginary conversation between the two guys. Here we go:
Tony Dungy: Hey Rex, I was very disappointed by the “motivational tactics” that you displayed on Hard Knocks the other night.
Rex Ryan: Tony, I don’t give a (expletive). I coach the way I want to (expletive) coach, and you can’t (expletive) change that.
TD: I’m not trying to change that. I just want you to realize that there is another way to do things.
RR: Okay, Tony, but that is not my (expletive) way. My way includes some colorful (expletive) language.
TD: There you go again. Why do you need to use that kind of language in a basic conversation?
RR: (Mocking Dungy) Why do need to use that kind of language… blah, blah, blah. (Expletive) you! Why are you all up in (expletive) my business anyway!?
TD: Rex, calm down. When I see someone struggling with their life, I like to help them out.
RR: Struggling!? How the (expletive) am I struggling? My team is the most feared team in the (expletive) NFL!
TD: I’m not talking about football, Rex. I’m talking about life right now.
RR: Football is (expletive) life!
TD: I see that this is not going to go anywhere if we continue like this.
RR: (Expletive) right! Let’s order some (expletive) food! What do you like, Tony? Chinese, Thai, Mexican…
TD: No thanks, Rex, I’m not hungry.
RR: Not hungry!? What the (expletive) is wrong with you? I’m ordering (expletive) food anyway.
TD: Go for it.
RR: I don’t need your (expletive) approval, (expletive).
(Rex dials for Chinese food. He’s on speaker phone.)
RR: Hi, I’d like to (expletive) order everything on your menu twice.
Phone Guy: Oh, Rex, how the (expletive) are you?
RR: (Expletive) great. Can you hurry up with that food? I don’t have time for (expletive) chit chat.
PG: Of course. Anything for my favorite (expletive) customer.
(Rex hangs up)
TD: You see, Rex?
RR: What the (expletive) are you talking about?
TD: You even have the Chinese guy cursing up a storm because of the language you choose to use.
RR: That’s (expletive) it! Get the (expletive) out of my office! I was going to (expletive) share some kung pao chicken with you, but now there’s no (expletive) chance!
TD: I’m sorry to…
RR: Did I (expletive) stutter? Get the (expletive) out!!!!